do you all remember what i said last time. that my next post im going to be in Seoul with a cup of espresso and living my dream.
well, its just a week after i send the application and im as crazy as hell. every day i spent with tears and anxiety. i used all my charm and sword to wrote that personal statement and study plan i give all my best when preparing those document, i cant give up right now. but, i cant control my mind it goes crazy, it imagine all the negative stuff what am i suppossed to do if i get rejected. i read a book about dont kill myself im this close to sleep and dont have any reason to live.
every evening i cry with my friends Lia, she told me to calm down and wait same goes with Swasti. but im not and optimistic person in the first place. i always the pessimistic one and its hard to change. but i dont want to roll over and died.
so, there are two thing inside my head now, negative and positive. i cant watch the movie anymore, i cant hear the song, i feel so blind and deaf. but i wasn't stupid. so i dont know what to do.i pray more than ever, more than when i have to do finals. more than anything. because this is what i always wanted to do since i can read. study in foreign country.
everyone, i need more more and more wish more than ever. this scholarship is my chance to be a happy human being. and i can finally watch olympiade in Pyeongchang if i get this scholarship 3rd list on the bucket.
i god if only i wasn't so stupid...
and i wish this KGSP will help me to finally feels like a human being
and i wish this KGSP will help me to finally feels like a human being
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